Opportunity Gone

When dreams are dashed, one becomes disappointed and worse still depressed. Everyone has a dream or even dreams. Dreams will always come with a plan to succeed and have better things in life. Once an opportunity comes, one ought to grab it. Once the opportunity is gone, it’s gone forever. How I wish that I could turn things back to the way they were before? Why wouldn’t someone invent a time travel machine which enables people to travel through quantum?

Money or Family?

Money or family? Choose one. More often than not, most of us are tested with these two aspects. While some may choose money, others choose family. As for me, I always believe that money can be earned and found but not a family. To me, I think that it takes time to build a family. It needs effort, time and love. Without these, family would not exist. Recently something happened in my life which got me thinking. People get angry at each other over financial issues, of which this includes family members. Why must family members squabble over money? Isn’t family tie more important than money? Why sacrifice all the love and camaraderie just because of money? As for me, I would rather lose all my money than to lose my family. Without money, I could still live but without my family, I doubt that I could. It is the best thing God has ever given me, or in fact the greatest gift of all that I could ever ask for. One would be stupid or blinded to not notice that. No matter what it takes, my family comes first, not money!

Happy Teachers' Day!

Guess what, one of my students messaged me at midnight just to wish me happy teachers' day! That really made my day as it goes all the way to prove that there is someone who still cares about what I do! Here are some facts of what teachers encounter in school.

Fact 1: Just 2 days ago, one of the teachers in my school was sworn at by a student. How rude it was.... That's class has always been a trouble for every teacher who goes in to teach. Teacher after teacher complained about their attitude! What can we do as teachers?

Fact 2: The minister will be announcing some incentives for teachers. He will be announcing it during a national teachers' day celebration. Will it be a pay rise? or even some other allowances? Only God knows..... With all the inflation, this will definitely at least help lessen our burden, will it not?

Fact 3: The work of a teacher is no longer teaching! We do lots of stuff from medical care, judge, police, clerk, secretary, you name it, we got it! Really, so people seem to think that the work of a teacher is simple, teach half day and go home.... oh no no no.... that's a stereotypical thinking..... When students fall ill in school, who does the work?- Teacher! When students play truant, smoke, fight, who do all the work?- We! When the office needs to get ISO status and all... who do all the work?- Teachers! When a student needs a shrink, who do they go to? Us! Who.... When.... How.... Which... Why... you may ask...... the list goes on and on and maybe even never ending.... a teacher's job is definitely not easy as it seems.... and our pay... never mind.....

Fact 4: With all the craze about academic excellence around us, teaching is no longer a passion.... it feels more like a competition to see who gets the highest score.... Who needs fun, passion and all... when 'hey teachers, our target for this year is 15 A+s for bla... bla... bla...' reality kicks in..... Is it a passion in reality or a job just to put food on the table?

Fact 5: They say teaching is a work of the heart.... Well it is true to a certain extent.... with all the facts above, teaching is no longer the same as it was 20 years ago..... think about it... do you think being a teacher is that easy?

So as it goes, we who can teach, teach while we who can lead, change! Being a teacher that makes a difference, makes all the difference.... empowering and building human is what we are good at.... We equip our kids with knowledge and tell them life is fun and interesting.... not just academic excellence! It is nothing but a piece of paper.... what we do in class... our attitude towards them... our concern... our energy... these things make a difference in their lives and truly they will remember us... even if they fail in their papers, they will still remember us, for the good that we have done and how we have touched them....

So to teachers our there, pick up the passion, make a difference in young lives, change them, mould them, be the potter and the students the clay! let the difference making take flight! HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!

Work!

Now that 2010 is gone, here comes 2011. It is barely a week into this brand new year, I am already swamped with tonnes of work! How can I breather! Help! Help! Help! God do hear me from above, help me Lord! I need your help and guidance badly!

It Really Does Feel Good To Be Appreciated!

It has been such a long time since I last posted something on this blog of mine... This time, I would love to talk about appreciation! Recently, I came to know that one of my teacher friend was awarded the APC and I was so happy for her! Looking at the amount of effort she put in her work was and is just amazing! Her dedication, sweat, blood and oh whatever else were to be the potion, were duly recognized! Congratulations to her! I myself felt appreciated in my school recently..... Just today, during one of my English lessons with my second class kids, one of them wrote a comment about me on my piece of paper during one of the set inductions. He or she (i am sure it was a he) wrote this ' Best English Teacher we all had. You just like a friend that so helpful, caring and always mad to. Joking man, good advicer... Thanks for help us'.. (pardon their language)..... I was just so moved to see this comment coming from my students.... Never did I expect them to say this..... All I can deduce from this is that they really do appreciate all that I have put into teaching their class..... After all the nagging like an old grandfather, hair pulling and other stuff too, they were just awesome and that little comment just made my day! Maybe it's because I am an easy going, flexible teacher, and also a person that doesn't seem to go by the books too much.Somehow I just feet more motivated to teach them..... Well, as the saying goes, TEACHING IS A WORK OF THE HEART!

A Day of Ultimate Blurness!

At some point in our lives, there will definitely be a day of ultimate blurness and mine was TODAY!!! First of all i had to attend an interview which will determine my career as a teacher. Well, the day started of well at the beginning... This great start did not last long. As i arrived at the interview centre, my blurness and confusion started! When the secretary was going through my documents, one of her statements actually sent me into deep confusion. She said that she had to ask the interview officer whether I was qualified for the interview as my degree was from foreign university. I was perplexed! Why would a government scholar be barred from interview just because his degree is from a foreign university. Furthermore, it a Federal Scholarship... So I asked her, and she explained that there were a few cases where foreign universities were not recognized by the SPP eventhough the candidates were sponsored by the government... WEIRD!!!! Well, I was relieved that I was allowed to be interviewed! Fuh! When I went in for the interview, the officer asked me to introduce myself. He asked the question in BM and before I answered him, i asked him as to whether I could answer in BI. He told me that if he questions in BM, then I ought to answer in BM and if he questions in BI then i ought to answer in BI. Oh well, i thought to myself.... So, I answered him in BM... Somehow somewhere sometime throughout the interview, something happened which I am still confused now! The interview started in BM and as it progressed on, his questions were given in BI. This made the whole interview even weirder as till now, I am still confused as to whether I started conversing to him in BI or was it the officer who started questioning me in BI..... OR even maybe, I answered his BM question in BI which made him switch language.... CONFUSED AND BLUR!!! Not only this, the questions that he posed were like out of this world! Before the interview, I was told by his secretary that the questions would be basically on PIPP, NEP and also my work.... BUT, in the interview, the questions were beyond what I expected! one of the questions he asked was regarding the New Economic Model.... NEM I thought... Hmmmm.... Well, thank God that I did read about it in the newspapers and was able to answer his questions.... There were also some other questions which made me blur and confused throughout the whole day but I wouldn't want to go into details here.... Well, interview was over and i thought to myself, I shall take my own time and take a slow drive back. I even thought of getting some breakfast and stuff first before I head back but somehow my conscience wasn't clear! Something in me told me, GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!! I was like... huh? but, I am on official duty outside of school today...... Well, I went back without having to do anything that I planned to do..... I went back, helped out at the Public Speaking Competition that was ongoing in my school and also finished up the clippings of the May exam... My blur and confused point here was why did I go back to school? My colleagues were asking me why did u come back... u should have gone back or even so something else.... I was like yeah, that's true but somehow, somewhere in my heart, my conscience wasn't clear! I know my duty in school, I know that there were some other responsibilities awaiting me in school, and that was why I went back instead of loitering around. I was glad that I followed my conscience and voice in my heart! I was glad to be back, and was glad that I could contribute to my school! That's just school..... Then, when it was time to leave, I confidently left my camera bag with all my kits in school! OMG!!! I have not done this before! This is the first time that I ever leave my camera in school! My blurness and confusion is taking over me for the day and for real!!! Even at badminton just now.... I was blur and could not concentrate on my game.... What a blow! What a day! Confusion and blurness!!! But all the more I would like to thank God and also the people around me, you know who you are, despite my blurness and confusion, I did not forget all your encouragements towards me as I face my interview! Thank you! Thanks a lot!!!!

Of Students and Teachers

More often than not, teachers are being bogged down with all kinds of work apart from their core business, TEACH! But one of the things that got me thinking this week was the welfare or even our interest towards our students. Every single day, when the bell rings to signal the start of the day, most of us would sigh, I don’t deny it myself and when the bell rings to signal the opposite, we all jump with joy! But what got me thinking throughout this week were the lives of my students! Besides being a teacher to them in class, in my humble opinion, teachers should also try to understand and be a friend to students. I find that it is through this that teachers could relate themselves better to their students and even gain the students’ respect. Why should we rush off at the end of the day when we can spend more time with our students? It is not necessarily that we should only spend time with them in the school. For example, I was in a limbo yesterday as to whether I should go for a picnic with my colleagues which involved water activities, or spend time with my students playing futsal. Picnic would have been fun, as I could relax, bond with other colleagues and even do what I enjoy the most, photography. On the other hand, futsal would have been equally as fun because I would be able to spend more time with my students. Which should I choose? In my heart I was thinking, I should go for futsal with my students. That was just simply because I wanted to spend the time with them, laugh together and at the same time get to know them better. When else would I get to spend time with my students apart from that? So I went for futsal with my students and true enough, I got to know my students better and had fun at the same time! To me, I think that that was more valuable than any picnic trip. I would prefer to invest in my students’ life than keeping it all to myself. There’s no point of keeping everything to ourselves and not giving it to other! Just like what was promised in the Bible. The more we sow, the more we reap. What we sowed into the kingdom of God, we will reap it bountifully! This just the same in this situation: If I give more attention and effort to my students, what I will reap at the end of the day would be AMAZING!

That was just one of the examples of things that happened during this week. What happened today in school really got me all worked up and disappointed with some of the people in the staff room. Being a teacher on duty, it has always been your responsibility to take charge of any events that happen in school throughout the week. Needless to say, this duty includes sending sick students to hospital.
Here goes the story that led me to my disappointment! One of the students in school was hyperventilating and having cramps all over her body! She was literally gasping for air and I happened to walk past the ‘pondok’ and some of the students yelled for me. So, I went over and asked why and there I saw this student. So, I quickly asked one of the students there, that happened to be a guy and was big in size to help her get to the staff room. Of course, I did my part in helping too. The both of us carried her to the staff room! And here the scenario starts. In the staff room, the student was complaining of having cramps all over her body! And she was literally gasping for air! My first reaction was to send her to the hospital for treatment! So I asked the teacher on duty to send her! Well, one of the teachers on duty did not have car, ok fine. Then I asked another teacher on duty. Her reply utterly disappointed me! She said “ask the other teachers on duty to send her. I have already sent one student to the hospital this week. It’s their turn to send!” I was stunned! Goodness gracious me! Being a teacher on duty, your responsibility knows no bounds! No limits! Whatever happen, is and will always be your duty! Seriously, I was tremendously let down by this teacher! What about the other teachers who were in the staff room? They came over asked what happened and just watched .
OMG! None of them lifted a finger to help! Well, there was another teacher that came to help though she wasn’t on duty! I mean, being a teacher, the most important thing is our students! They are our responsibility and how can we afford to say that we have done enough for the week and pass the baton around? To me, I felt that this just reflects irresponsibility. Not trying to boast that I am responsible or whatsoever, but that poor girl was suffering and the other teachers were just watching!

Finally, I managed to persuade the teacher who said NO to send the girl to the hospital! I piggy backed her to the car and accompanied her to the hospital. Thank God the student is all well and ok now.

WHAT WENT THROUGH MY MIND:
While the other teachers were busy watching the situation like a drama on tv, I could not be bothered about them! One of them even said, ‘ panggil beberapa pelajar perempuan angkat dia keluar ke kereta.’ Well, that was the right thing to do, but the school session has just ended and to find students to come and help would take AGES!!! Can’t you do something? I couldn’t be bothered, so I asked the teacher that came to aid, help me carry her out and the both of us did it. Just at the door, I decided to piggy back the student to the car, which was easier. At that moment, what went through my mind was ‘I need to send this girl to the hospital fast! I do not want anything serious to happen to her!’ I was not bothered about what others say about me, gossip about me or even criticize me! All I know is that my duty know no boundaries! Although I was not on duty, I still have to put in my effort to come to my students’ aid regardless of gender, race, or even religion! I am not looking for any APC or whatsoever; I just want the best for my students!

You see, teaching is not just any other career, but a work of the heart! If ever any teacher would dare to say that, I have done enough for my students this week, then I think that the teacher has chosen the wrong vocation. In order to touch the lives that we teach, we have to show them the love and care immaterial of gender, race, and religion! It is true our students come to us in school in search of education and knowledge only but at the same time they are also there to learn about life, what life is all about covertly! If we fail our students in school, what kind of people would they be in the end? Don’t you think it is a pity?

Easter!

Who Am I by Casting Crowns
Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.


I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.


I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours..
I am yours..

Have we ever wondered as a Christian, why would Christ ever die for our sins on the cross? What makes us so special that He, the son of God, would sacrifice himself for mankind? This song simply represents the questions of who we are in God and that we are forever loved by Him! Somehow or rather, as time goes by, the meaning of Easter just withers away from our society and sooner or later, it will lose its meaning. Easter is not just about eggs and bunnies, it's about this unending love that I am talking about! This unconditional love of God to us! It's about how He had given up everything just to be with us and for us! In Jesus we obtained our salvation for everlasting life! I am yours! We are God's children, we are His precious one! Just like the prodigal son who went back to his father when he had lost everything he was given by his father! And yet, when the son went back to his father, the father accepted him just as he is with open arms! He even threw a party to celebrate his homecoming! In reality, if we were to have someone like the prodigal son, we would have disowned and would not even have any association with the person. But to God we are forever precious in His sight! That is why, He gave his begotten son to us, in order for us to reconcile with Him. The relationship that was lost due to the greed of mankind through Adam and Eve has been broken and will always be if we remain in Christ and forever we are His! HAPPY EASTER!

Pictures... Continued

Pangi oh Pangi…. What A Wonderful Experience

Often we would watch in movies whereby poor people who could not afford to pay for train ride, would be left sitting on the roof of the carriages’ or even hanging off poles outside of the train or even during festive times, where people who had no transport but only train to get to places, would rush or do anything just to get onboard. Well, my trip to Pangi was not exactly the same but the experience of sitting outside of a train was totally awesome! I felt like an illegal immigrant! Well, it was a classic diesel powered train (considered classic as most trains are operated by electricity by now), which pulls 2 small carriages. On the way to Pangi, I sat in one of the carriages while on my way back to Tenom, I sat outside the train, literally outside the train platform where they put goods. It was a great experience as I was able to see the nature surrounding me without any obstructions apart from human beings. On top of that, the journey to and from Pangi was beautiful, with hills around it, river, rocks and even a hydroelectric dam! In Pangi, I also managed to walk across a hanging bridge which links both banks of Padas River! It was scary at first, but when I got used to it, I thought it was fun! As I walked, the bridge bounced according to the rhythm of my pace! When I got to the middle of the hanging bridge, my oh my, the view was awesome! Apart from the murky river, the scenery was just beautiful!

Interview

I have just applied for my interview... Let's just hope that everything goes smoothly and that I can get my confirmation early... God please help me!

After the mid semester break!

Gosh, to come back to this place after a wonderful week break with my loved one is definitely a dreadful thing to do! First of all, I miss my loved one. Secondly, to get back to work… NOOOOOOOO! Even though it has been 2 months since I first arrived here and I am beginning to settle in, I still find that I do not belong to this place. Physically I am here but mentally and spiritually I am elsewhere! To be honest, I do really enjoy my work here but at the same time, I do wish that I have more familiar faces here around me. Somehow I feel more comfortable and secure with familiar faces around me. With them there were no worries or sadness in me…. oh well, there are 10 more weeks to go before a very very long break with my loved ones! I am already counting down the days and looking forward to it! Oh ya and another thing, let’s just hope that my pay comes in this coming Thursday! Then it will be all sweet and no longer sour! Hehe!

Duties....

Sometimes I really do wonder…. Why do people have to work? There is just too much stress during work… Can’t people just resort to the good old days where everyone just barter trade? Well, what to do, the world is such that each and every day is an improvement of the day before… fret not on the present and the past and look to the future. It has been almost 2 month since I came to this small little town to start my career as an English teacher in a small missionary school. Initially for the first few weeks things were just smooth sailing until one of the teachers was offered a post in the district education office. Then, things started to unfold. Apparently, I was to take over all the duties held by that teacher in school. Gosh, I thought to myself. There was just too much responsibility that the teacher was holding in school. Ketua panitia, ketua dokumentasi, guru penasihat bola keranjang, form teacher and so much more! And guess what, all these duties, well almost all these duties were single-handedly handed to me in one day! Well, to say one day would be over-estimating…. To be exact, 2 hours on a Friday! My oh my…. Not that I am incapable of doing it, but to digest all that information as the ketua panitia in 2 hours was just plain complex. As he explained all the duties to me, I was like… ‘oh ok… erm….’ Honestly speaking, I was totally lost. It felt like the story ‘Journey to The Centre of The Earth’. Every step and every move, every information was a brand new experience and journey to me. The best part about this subject is that it is not a tested component in the SPM and PMR examinations but was a compulsory subject to be taught! Well, that was just one of the advantages… but in term of duties… there was just so much work to do. First and foremost, the panel has not had any meeting at all and of which I have to conduct some time, somehow, some day. Second was that the March test was just around the corner and I had to assign teachers to come up with test papers. The funny things was that due to the fact that the teaching panel was constantly evolving and changing, I was not even sure of who are the teachers involved. Oh well, that where the skill of ‘tembak-ing’ comes in. I randomly assigned a teacher who was teaching a particular form to come up with the test paper for that form. So I thought it would be all good! On the day of test, one of the teachers came up to me and said, ‘hey, why is it that there are 2 sets of papers for form 1 and none for form 4?’ I was like, IMPOSSIBLE!!!!! I had already assigned a teacher for each form and it was perfectly understood! With just 30 minutes to go, I frantically went around checking and looking for the teacher! My oh my, I found out that the teacher who was supposed to come up with the test papers for form 4 did papers for form 1! Goodness gracious me! I was practically scratching my head thinking of what could be done! Brilliantly, well not so brilliant, one of the teachers said, ‘why not take one of the form 1 papers and turn it into form 4 papers?’ At that moment, I immediately agreed as there was nothing that I can do to come up with papers for form 4! Well, we did that and we shall see what happens next!!! Let’s hope that I would not be boiling in hot soup!

Teaching In BM

It was a truly awkward situation to actually teach in Bahasa Melayu when you are an English teacher. Every single word that comes out of your mouth would just seem weird and unnatural for you. That was how I felt when I was given the task to take over a teacher’s class, Form 4, Pendidikan Sivik dsan Kewarganegaraan. Trust me, it was really weird! I was practically struggling to speak in BM! As my Sri Aman students’ always say “ Teacher your BM is weird”. Now I know it is really weird! That was not the worst! I am currently teaching in Sabah and their BM is totally different too! Gosh , it was an effort! I tried my best to converse in BM throughout the lesson and thank God it turned out alright! The students were quite a handful but I managed to control them after a few rounds of prep talk. Well, you know, just the usual teacher-student talk, laying down the ground rules…. Thankfully the students were obedient enough to follow and my instructions. Truly it was a horrifying experience and also at the same time a wonderful one as I venture myself into school life as a teacher. Above all else, I do give thanks to God for blessing me with so many things and experiences in life!

Sabah, oh Sabah….

26th January marked my journey to the land where God has placed me for my first ever career posting. Honestly, I was really excited about this posting as I was eager to know what God had planned for me. As I said goodbye to my parents, I knew that I will be alone probably for the next few weeks of school till I am able to see them again. This was the first time that I truly felt the loneliness in me. Strangely, my trip to New Zealand wasn’t that lonely compared to this.
At 12pm, my plane to Kota Kinabalu took off! As it reached for the sky, I began to miss home. I felt as if my home was so so so far away, beyond anything that I can reach. The flight took me almost 3 hours to arrive in KK. After clearing everything, we were picked up by a few district education officers and were told that we would be heading off straight to our placement district. Not really knowing what was going on, I just followed orders. In the beginning, we expected that there would be a briefing in KK but due to the current economic recession, the education department had to cut short some of the state activities and therefore, we were sent straight to our district. The district officers who picked us up were very nice people and they were very accommodating. They even went to the extent of helping us find accommodation! I’ve heard of stories where there were some teachers who were left to fend for themselves when they arrive in town! Thank God!
The journey to Tenom was picturesque! The view was really awesome as we drove up the Crocker Ranges, with green hills on both sides of the road throughout the journey. In contrary to what was expected, the road leading to Tenom was quite good. I was like any other roads in Semenanjung Malaysia, apart from a few steep stretches of road. Imagine driving up a road, uphill at an angle of 25 degrees! My oh my, it was scary at first but the feeling just subsided as we reached the peak of the road where the view was just plain AWESOME!
Upon reaching my district, I was picked up by school principal. He seemed a nice man to me. He found a place for me to stay, saving me from all the headaches of finding accommodation across town. He even offered to show me around town! As I settled in my new room, I found that there were no windows in it! OMG! I was really disappointed! The room was warm and stuffy! So I decided to call my landlord and asked if I could possible look at other rooms with proper ventilation. He gladly showed my around the house and eventually, I moved to another room. Well, this new room is smaller than before but the consolation is that there are windows, not that it helped much!
When I began unpacking, the feeling of loneliness began to set in. Somehow tears just began to flow down my cheeks. I really miss my family a lot! Thank God for my mother who helped iron my shirts before I left. There was nothing in the house, not in even in the room! All I had in my room were 2 mattresses, a chair and a fan and of course lights. Boy! Was I surprised! It felt like some cheap budget hotels around town, like the ones you see in Hong Kon movie where people pick hookers up and do the job for the night, EXCEPT that this was a house close to my school, less than 3 minutes away! During this time, I was desperately looking for some comfort and companionship in the midst of my loneliness in Tenom. I texted my family, loved ones and even friends, just to get away from the feeling of being lonely…. No doubt my loved one and family were very encouraging. They kept feeding me with encouragements which I really needed at that time! THANK GOD FOR THEM! The night wasn’t that great, I unpacked a little bit, had my shower, ate and tried sleeping…. WHAT A SLEEPLESS night it would be!

Posting

Well, well, well,
I am back with news regarding my posting. Recently everyone has been busy calling here and there to enquire about their posting... Well, I have got mine.... According to the letter, my very first posting of my career will be in the state of Sabah! Yes, that's right SABAH, a state in Borneo Island! Somehow or rather, I have been thinking to myself of whether I should be happy or be saddened by this news! Some people say, sorry to hear about that, and some says, you will have a good experience there and many things await you in Sabah. To me, I am kinda confused.... But one things for sure is that I am actually quite excited about my first posting.... It's like going into an unknown land and trying to my a difference in the lives of the people there. Well, I will try my best to do what I can! Though it may be tough, but I trust that through this experience I will grow up to be a better teacher and person. Besides, there are so many things that I can do there! Woohoo!!! At the same time, I feel sad too as my whole family is here. It's kinda painful to leave them after coming back to Malaysia a year ago from my 2 years of studies in Aotearoa. I love my family a lot and I will definitely miss them heaps! Not only my family that I will miss, my loved one too! As I will definitely be in Sabah, she is still uncertain as to where her posting would be. So that remains a mystery but one thing for sure, distance will not be a hindrance for us! We shall go through the tough time together until we emerge victorious..... Haih.. I know I sound crap, language is bad, but well who cares! This is a midnight post and as expected, CRAPS and BAD LANGUAGE! haha! Chaoz!

2010

A brand new year with brand new challenges! First up is my career! What am I going to face in my first few years of my work...? I have no idea.... Let's just wait patiently or even eagerly for what is about to happen when my placement unfolds in January 2010.... Will post soon... Chaoz.....

'04 to '09

Jeremiah 29:11 says, ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’.

When I was in church today this verse spoke to me during worship session. It struck me like a lightning and I was practically in tears (u know, guys would always hold back their tears, but this time some managed to escape from my eyes). God truly had a plan for my life. As I ponder over the events that had happened in 2009, I began to see God’s hands upon my life. Things that I assumed were to go wrong in my way, became right in the end. It was like divine intervention in everything that I did. Studies, relationship, family and all. It was hell of a struggle to juggle all these at one go but somehow I managed to do it by God’s grace. Without God, I not have been who I am today. His blessings upon my life were countless. Starting from the beginning of my life till now, I am still being blessed.
My recent graduation was a classic example of God’s grace in my life. Without God, I would not have gone overseas for my studies. Back in 2004, I applied for all sorts of scholarships to further my studies and sadly none of them bore any fruit EXCEPT for my current programme. Well, I was awarded this scholarship and the challenge began. In fact, finding for guarantors for my scholarship was the first of the few hurdles in my study. It was not easy for someone to guarantee you your study but by God’s grace, two of my church members helped me out. Without them, I would have had so much trouble in finding for 2 guarantors, not 1! Thanks Uncle Voon and Uncle Edmond! Without the both of you, I would not be what I am today! Well, that was settled, and the class challenge began! I was elected as the leader of a class of 24 students and the best surprise of all was that 23 of the students in the class were Malays and 1 was the only non-Malay! Gosh, that was too much of a surprise as I did not have a companion like my other friends! Great! I was like oh no…….. I am so DEAD! But to my surprise, God's hands were upon me and well, I could truly say that being the leader of the class was really great! My classmates were cooperative and we learned to respect and help each other which I thought was really good!!!!
Then when we were placed into different universities during our first year of degree, the struggle starts again. This time was the seriousness of my studies. Things were more complicated this time and at times, I really broke down and cried. My family was the my strength and rock during these times. They were really supportive of me and were backing me up in everything I did! You see, without God’s perfect plan, I would not have such a great family! Without God, I would not have seen daylight at the end of my studies!
During my second year of study, this time in Wellington, during my first church service in Wellington, I did actually cried as I was so touched by God. Not really by the sermon but by the fact that His grace has brought me all the way to Wellington. Without His blessings I wouldn’t have been there. It was all these small little things that really made me realize that life is too short to miss anything. I want to catch everything that God has for my life!
Third year was pretty much like year two but with some extra problems. Well, instead of talking about the problems, let’s see what the problems have taught me. First of all, it taught me to be patient. I notice that I get agitated easily whenever I dislike something. Not that I am all good now, but I did really learn to overlook some things that happened and I think I am more patient nowadays. Secondly, they taught me to be independent. Well, I can honestly say that I am very independent since secondary school days but this third year of degree truly taught me to be more independent so much so that I learn to rely on myself when it comes to task completion. Not really as in independent from God, but independent from friends… Why? There were problems which I faced in my friendship with others which made it difficult for me to trust others anymore. Okay…. Third year is not all about bad things…. It was also full of wonderful memories when I met my loved one….. She was truly God-sent as she was, is and will always be supportive of me……. We spent countless hours together…. Laughing, joking, doing crazy things and going for holidays… Gosh… I really miss those days…. Throughout the whole year, I think I flew to see her so many times that I lost count of them…. Whenever there were cheap flight tickets on sale, I bet you, my name will definitely be there! What can I say! This is also God’s blessing for granting me job to sustain my expenses!
Well, for the fourth and final year, I was back in Malaysia. Looking back it was a year of toil and sweat! So much of struggles, so much of problems and yet so much of blessings from God! Studies had to be one of them! There were so many struggles to complete all the assignments at hand! Imagine, having to complete and submit a group assignment the Monday after the holiday! Gosh, definitely not a wise thing to do, especially for a group task! I wouldn’t call it a holiday then! That was just one of the problems with the course…..
Since the beginning of my degree year, I have always wanted to graduate in the university which I studied in… I certainly do not want a mere celebration of graduation in IPBA which is not as grand compared to the graduation in Wellington. So I planned…. Initially everything worked out well but towards the end, we were told that our course will be stretched on till 16th of December 2009 and this date clashes with my graduation date which means I would not be able to graduate in Wellington this year… I was devastated! When I heard that news, I thought to myself everything is over…. No more graduation…. However, with God’s intervention and blessing, our programme was cut short due to a shortage of funds to run our programme which means that we will be having our holidays earlier than 16th of December 2009! Not saying that it was a good thing but for me to graduate? Wow! I thought to myself! God made a miracle! The impossible is now possible! All things are possible with God! So I got on with my planning for the trip of my lifetime and guess what, my whole family and I had a wonderful time bonding together as one! We had fun travelling around New Zealand…. To cap it all up, it was a trip of a lifetime for my mum as well because she thought that she will never be able to go overseas anymore after the studies in Scotland! Well, well, well… what else could this be…. Definitely God’s blessing!
So, that was a short summary of my degree years till I finally graduated on the 16th of December 2009! There are more challenges ahead of me as I prepare myself for my chosen career… and I truly believe that God has a plan for me! He has put me into this, and He will definitely see me through this! True enough, He sent Jeremiah 29:11 to me in church today!!! Hallelujah!!

An Experience to Remember.........

Christina

Suhafna

Christina, Puteri & Jessica

Mages

Sibyl

4SB

4KB

Last Friday, 2 October 2009, was my last day in SMK (P) Sri Aman. Gosh, it was such a bad day…. Not a bad day as in a negative bad day, but a bad day as in I had to leave my students. Well, I would dare say that I am very attached to my students. This just reminds me of how quick time passes. 12 weeks ago, I was just starting to get my grip being a teacher and now, I am missing my students by the days! I truly wish that I can be in that school permanently and serve my school and my students. Throughout the whole 12 weeks, both classes were gems! They have been such tremendous blessings to me. In fact when I was given Form 4KB, everyone, even the UM trainees, told me, ‘Good luck with that class’, ‘Have fun’ and ‘That class is a problem’; that was what I was told before I even set my feet into the class. MY first impression was like ‘OMG’. Things began to play in my mind and I even wondered about my capability of controlling a naughty class….

On my first day in 4KB, the girls were superbly well-mannered! I thought to myself ‘Aiks, this ain’t so bad’…. True enough, I did not have much problems with 4KB. They have been so good and obedient. Even till the last day of my practicum, they were like hi Mr. J and all…. I heart just dropped thinking about them… I really had a whale of time teaching that class… There were so many moments of laughter. One which I could not forget was ‘Confidence is sexy’. When one of my students mentioned that, everyone in the class burst out laughing, including me! In that class, laughter was not the only thing we had. There were also moments where things got serious. Through it all, we managed to go through the entire think and thin together as teacher and students. As for 4SB, I could still remember the first lesson in which I made a blunder and fool out of myself. I was like… erm… sorry… this is my first time teaching you all… so… a little bit nervous…. When I said that, my students were so sweet… they said, ‘it’s ok teacher’. I was like, gosh, these girls….. I expected them to burst out laughing at me for the blunder that I made but it turned out that they were very supportive in what was doing. Thanks girls!

One of the valuable things which I learned throughout my entire practicum stint was that in order for one to be effective and respected, one has to be humble. I did it, and I enjoyed it! I always believed that even though teachers have all the power in the classroom, there isn’t a need for teachers to show that they are high and mighty to the students. My principle was to put myself down to the students’ level, work with them and understand them. These students are at the age where they are neither here nor there and as such, they need proper guidance and support from the people around them. What I learned from my own doing was that being on the same level as the students, I can see the way they look at thing, the way they work and also feel the way they feel. Once this is done, they will begin to appreciate us, teachers, more and even respect and remember us for life. (Well, I hope they do). Sometimes all we need is just to show some love, affection and respect towards the students. We need to show that we care for them. That’s just about it, love, care, respect and attention. Simple.

Working with the staff in Sri Aman has also taught me a lot of things! To be able to work with the English panel of that school was just an awesome experience! The teachers were very supportive, fun and sporting. They made my life in Sri Aman an memorable one! Personally, I felt that these teachers are truly passionate about their job! They were ever willing to share their experiences and time with us, trainees, which were priceless. All the teasing, joke and laughter will definitely be something that I remember the most. These people were just awesome! Sibyl, Suhafna, Puteri, Christina, and Mages (sorry for naming all of you without salutation), thank you for everything that you have done! I truly cherish all the time that we spent together. It has been a pleasure working with all of you. You taught me not only about career life but also about life in general. Not sure about you all, but for me, I see all of you not only as my teachers and mentors but also friends in which I can rely on. To sum it all, you all ROCK!!!!

In conclusion, my time in Sri Aman has definitely been a fruitful one. There were so many things which I have learned and that will carry me through my lifetime. I have not only found passion for my career but also friendship that I will never forget. As for my students, I will always remember all of you! I couldn't have done it without all of you! Remember, whenever anyone of you need any help, just feel free to buzz me on Facebook, MSN or drop me a text! I will be glad to be of help whenever and wherever I can. From me : ‘Once a teacher, always a teacher’. I LOVE YOU ALL!!! TAKE CARE AND MAY GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU ABUNDANTLY!!! HUGS AND KISSES!!! (can't do that in school)... haha! :-)

Gosh.... Please have mercy.. Why twice?

Twice! not once but twice! My lesson for one of my classes was a total disaster. Every single thing just seems to go wrong! Yesterday, the LCD failed me and today..... OMG, my speakers failed me! I am so so frustrated with the day! With the speakers failing me, I had no choice but to sing! OMG! OMG!!! I was totally going to faint..... My voice sucks and my students were giggling when i started singing! Some did cheer me up, thanks for the support girls, but some couldn't help giggling! I didn't mind them giggling at me because I truly know my voice sucks! Well, that's just the beginning of the lesson....... Following that, the temperature in the class was rising rapidly! It so so so hot in there as the students were not supposed to switch on the air conditioner. A computer room without air conditioner? Gosh.... it was boiling hot.... i sweated so much that my students even realized that..... I went through the lesson briefly as is realized that my students were not paying much attention towards the lesson.... Sorry girls... i tried...... I am sorry i failed.... Instead of dwelling much into the lesson, I talked about life, making decisions, just like in the poem in the lesson.... well, I hope some listening...... Thanks for those who supported me and encouraged me...... thanks again girls... in the end, I decided that this lesson has to be done all over again.... and well, I guess that's how it would be..... In the future, I will very likely choose to do my lessons outdoors... fresher air and better ventilation........ so sad... not once, but twice!!!